


Just Ask

by plotholes_ahead



Category: Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Sickfic, Tea Is Code For Eli, Thrawn Doesn’t Abide By The Rules, Thrawn Pines For Tea, all the tension, because they like each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25318900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plotholes_ahead/pseuds/plotholes_ahead
Summary: Thrawn is ill and Eli will do anything to help him feel better. Thus sparks the beginning of their romantic relationship. Little does Eli know that Thrawn may have been planning this for quite some time.
Relationships: Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 44
Kudos: 139





	1. Tea

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve had this written for a while, just finally decided to edit and post! Technically it’s Part 1 of Chaos and Art. :) I might change the parts of the series around later but because my brain is a chaotic mess, the series is a tad scattered.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this short intermission from Whatever Necessary as we jump back a decade and learn how it all began.

Ensign Eli Vanto ate dinner alone, pushing his vegetables around his plate with his fork, too exhausted from the day’s mundane activities to give any thought to the officers and crewers in the mess hall of the Thunder Wasp.

He kept his head bowed as he strolled to his quarters, footsteps dragging step after step. The trip to his room seemed to become longer and more boring every time he made it. 

He crossed the threshold and with nothing better to do, flopped down onto his meager, fit for one person bed. He began scrolling through recent news. Something about a senator and his mistress, something about trade routes being redirected and deliveries being delayed, something about a Pantoran…

Eli cocked his head to the side, thinking as he gazed at the Pantoran’s face that Thrawn really could pass for one. He quickly looked up from his data pad with dawning realization.

_Thrawn._

Eli hadn’t seen nor heard from him all day. As Thrawn’s aide-de-camp it wasn’t entirely mandatory for them to meet up everyday, but they inevitably spent most of their days working together. Sometimes they had separate projects going, or sometimes Thrawn was held up in meetings that he didn’t require Eli to suffer through. But that was not the case this time.

He debated reaching out to Thrawn then decided against it, not wanting to come off too eager. He’d look for him first thing tomorrow. 

Eli began his search after breakfast, checking five separate locations hoping to spot the Chiss to no avail. He trekked back to the bridge with a dull worry settling in the pit of his stomach. When he arrived, he numbly checked in with Captain Alfren Cheno who was surrounded by three senior officers. Eli knew he didn’t belong there, so he left the group quickly after receiving his instructions. He was half way down the walkway when Cheno called him back.

“How are you feeling, Ensign Vanto?” the older man asked in his gravelly voice.

Eli started. “Fine, sir.” 

“Not experiencing any flu like symptoms or higher than normal body temperature are you?” Cheno pressed with a faint note of humor.

Eli frowned. “Of course not, sir. Why do you ask?”

Cheno grinned and lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Make sure you stay clear of Captain Thrawn until he recovers, alright? We can’t afford to have you _both_ out sick.”

Eli stared at him, dumbfounded. 

Thrawn…sick? 

Did Chiss even get sick? He and Thrawn had been together for almost three years and not once had he even heard the Chiss sniffle. No, he probably wasn’t sick. He was probably running some top-secret, albeit under valued, obscure investigation. That was definitely it. 

At the end of the day Eli lay in bed unable to fall asleep, his comlink resting on his chest and feeling exceptionally heavy. He picked up the communicator and stared at it. Then he rolled his eyes and set it back down, returning to his intense study of the ceiling. He’d done that five times now.

Sighing dramatically, he picked up the device and typed a message to Thrawn, then placed it on his bedside table. It was midnight after all, and he was not expecting a response until morning. Two minutes later his com beeped. He jumped and quickly grabbed for it, excitement coursing through him.

It was the nightly status report. He growled in irritation. Usually his com was set to do not disturb while he slept, so he received those types of routine messages when he awoke. If he was truly needed or their ship was hit with some sort of crisis there were far more reliable routes to take than a comlink. 

He hadn’t even fully retracted his arm from placing the device back on the nightstand when it chirred again.

It was Thrawn. 

Warmth spread throughout his limbs and his stomach did an odd sort of somersault. The last time he’d been this wound up over receiving a message in the middle of the night he was probably a teenager back home on Lysatra. He smiled despite himself, blushing even though no one was around.

_I am feeling better, thank you. Perhaps there is something you could do for me. Is now an ill-opportune time?_

Eli’s eyebrows rose slightly. Favors at midnight? He tried not to get his hopes up.

Soon after, Eli was knocking on Thrawn’s door, wearing his oversized Imperial jacket, which hung over his shoulders to partially cover his tattered sleep clothes. He looked down at his bottoms, noticing his attire for the first time in ten minutes and inwardly cringed. He hoped Thrawn wouldn’t comment on it. The door opened. Eli expected Thrawn to be standing there, but no one greeted him.

“Come in, Ensign,” came Thrawn’s cool voice from inside the room.

Eli stepped tentatively inside the dimly lit area, searching the space until he found Thrawn sitting on his bed under the covers, propped up against the wall. His data pad rested in his lap, it’s glow illuminating a sea of blue skin as Eli realized Thrawn wasn’t wearing a shirt. He averted his gaze, feeling heat creep up his neck and into his cheeks, and then realized he was being stupid and rather rude.

Thrawn was ill and he should be more sensitive to that. 

“Thank you for coming,” Thrawn told him, adding a short glance in his direction. Eli was pretty sure he hadn’t combed his hair today. “Have a seat, if you would.”

Eli did so and tried not to let his eyes wander longingly over his sculpted arms, the perfectly rounded shape of his shoulders, the hollow of his throat where beads of sweat pooled. He tried not to notice how his bare chest expanded slightly when he inhaled.

Eli let out the breath he’d been holding and blinked. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, sir.”

Thrawn’s eyes remained on the screen before him. “Better, but not well. However, that is not of consequence.”

He spun the screen on his lap to face Eli. “I wonder; what do you make of this?”

Scooting his chair closer to the side of Thrawn’s bed, he leaned in closer to squint at the small text on the screen.

“It looks like projected profits for… are those phosphorescent mushrooms?” Eli asked, glancing up at Thrawn and realizing, with sudden horror, how impeccably _close_ he was. “F-from Felucia? It looks like they’ve tripled in the past two months.” 

He felt Thrawn’s eyes on him and there was no dampening the heat that rose in his cheeks this time. He continued to appear transfixed on the data pad, seeking something to keep his own gaze preoccupied and avoid glimpsing Thrawn’s much-too-close perfect face. But Thrawn stole the distraction away, bringing the data pad back to his lap. “Yes, that is what I gathered as well.”

“But why would anyone want those mushrooms?” Eli asked, swallowing hard and leaning back into safety. “They’re poisonous.”

“The mushrooms themselves are not,” Thrawn said softly, “once they’ve been stripped of their chemical compound. The process is extremely expensive, though. Therefore growers have found other purposes for the fungi.”

“Selling them on the black market,” Eli supplied.

Thrawn looked at him, a small note of surprise on his features. “Precisely.” 

It seemed a great effort for Thrawn just to speak, talking slow and careful, every few words or so separated by ragged breaths. His fingers trembled slightly over the screen as he scrolled, but he continued after a shaky inhale. “The mushrooms produce varying forms of highs, ranging from a simple body high to vivid hallucinations. The phosphorescence they carry are riddled with radiation, making it exceedingly dangerous to beings whose bodies cannot process them or are not immune.”

“Humans,” Eli said quietly. And he knew that the Empire greatly concerned itself with the safety and protection of humans.

“Yes,” Thrawn answered, although it was unnecessary. “Among other species. I have sent my findings to high command. I expect to hear back within a few days.”

Eli looked him over. Sick in bed, Thrawn could still solve intergalactic crimes, while other Imperial officers could barely work out battle strategy contingency plans after having them laid out for them. He smiled to himself.

Thrawn’s eyes began to droop. His left hand slipped from the data pad and landed with a soft thud on the blankets. In contrast to the shine of his skin, small bumps appeared along his arms and he actually shivered. For the first time, Eli daresay he appeared _weak._

“Sir,” Eli began, frowning. “Can I grab you something to eat? Or maybe some electrolytes?”

Thrawn’s eyes opened fully and with a sideways look at Eli he murmured, “It’s late, Ensign.”

“So,” Eli shrugged casually. “The mess has after hours specifically for situations like this.”

Thrawn turned his head. “Situations like what?”

Eli winced. “Well, in case anyone needs a late meal.”

“Hmm,” was Thrawn’s only reply before he turned back to his device. After a moment he powered it down and lowered himself, sinking deeper into the covers.

“I am sorry, Ensign,” he said. “It would seem I am in need of more rest. Thank you for brainstorming with me. You may go.” 

_What if I wanted to stay?_

Finally succumbing to exhaustion, Thrawn’s eyes fell wearily shut, his body curled up under the blankets. A thin, glistening sheen covered his skin, his cheek pressed into his pillow, looking helpless and vaguely… angelic? 

Red eyes glowed to life in the dark, startling Eli. 

“Ensign?” Thrawn asked curiously. 

“I’m sorry, sir,” Eli said quietly. “I just… I just want to be sure you’re alright… before I go.”

Thrawn blinked slowly. “I am not currently, but I will be. I suspect I need mostly rest.”

That was Eli’s last clue to leave. “Of course. Can I bring you anything tomorrow?”

Thrawn sighed heavily and his eyes drifted shut again in utter fatigue. After a long pause, Eli thought maybe he wasn’t going to answer him. “The tea you drink every morning… a cup would be welcomed.”

Eli stood and pushed his chair back into its spot, eager to help even in the smallest of ways. “Yeah, of course. Anything.”

Thrawn opened his eyes again at that last word, his piercing gaze seeming to read him like a Holonet headline. 

Eli could’ve kicked himself. Why did he always say blatantly incriminating things? With Thrawn being as brilliant as he was, even under the weather, he was more than capable of picking up even the slightest shift in facial expression, or the smallest of slips. Confessing that he’d do anything for Thrawn was one of those ‘slips.’

“Good night, Captain,” Eli said quickly, realizing he’d overstayed his welcome. “Sleep well.”

Eli barely heard Thrawn’s, “Good night, Ensign,” before stepping out.

  


Eli woke a few minutes early the following morning to make an extra cup of tea and visit Thrawn on his way to the bridge. He keyed the access panel as he had been instructed. Thrawn was still asleep, so he placed the steaming mug on the nightstand and after a lingering sweep of Thrawn’s peacefully sleeping form, he left. 

Now that Eli knew why Thrawn wasn’t present for the day’s activities his thoughts wandered to him more often, wondering how he was feeling and if he’d eaten anything yet. He tapped his foot on the cool metal floor, glancing at the chrono and urging it to tick faster.

At the end of his shift, Eli swung by the mess to grab a couple meals and practically ran to check on Thrawn.

He was sitting up in bed slumped against the wall again, but his eyelids were even heavier than they were the night before. Perhaps he hadn’t gotten much sleep. To Eli’s equal relief and dismay he’d donned one of his black under shirts this evening, granting the human a reprieve from staring unabashedly at his half-dressed CO. A lamp was on in the corner, casting the room in a soft orange tint. 

“Thank you for bringing a meal, Ensign,” Thrawn said, his voice barely more than a whisper. 

“You’re welcome,” Eli replied in the same quiet tone. “Are you hungry?”

Thrawn shook his head, not to Eli’s surprise, so he stowed the meal in the small kitchenette; Thrawn could attempt eating later. 

He then grabbed the same chair from the night before and rolled it to the side of Thrawn’s bed. Leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees, he asked quietly, “How was your day?”

Thrawn’s eyes were closed, his chest rising and falling rhythmically with his swallow breathing. When he spoke, it was clear that the simple projection of his voice was taxing. “Uneventful.”

Eli grinned. He was hardly ever _purposefully_ funny, but there were times Thrawn made Eli chuckle. He looked away, debating if he should let him rest or perhaps push him to eat something. Eli’s eyes fell on the nightstand; he did a double take. 

“You didn’t drink your tea,” he said aloud without thinking.

Thrawn remained silent. Eli tilted his head in his direction, seeking Thrawn’s glowing red eyes, or even a stirring that would indicate his consciousness. 

He jerked when Thrawn spoke. “Consumption was not its purpose.”

The human frowned. “Then why?”

Again, Thrawn was silent. Eli thought maybe he should stop asking questions. But after a few moments, Thrawn whispered. “Its scent… reminds me of you.”

Eli froze, his eyes snapping to Thrawn. His lips parted in awe as he wondered if he’d heard him correctly. Then he blinked and averted his gaze, not wanting Thrawn to know he’d been so shocked by the statement. Maybe it’d been a slip, and if that was the case, perhaps he’d be embarrassed by it. But Thrawn was showing no signs of embarrassment. 

Instead of asking what he’d meant by it Eli tried puzzling it out for himself, failing to ignore his heart thudding against his chest and how the simple act of breathing suddenly became very difficult.

He guessed Thrawn’s logic was sound. Eli drank that tea every morning, for the last however many hundred days. He hadn’t thought Thrawn had noticed, but maybe the scent had given Thrawn some sense of normalcy. The Chiss hadn’t spent the last couple mornings with him; it was only logical he would ask for something that connected him to their daily routine.

Yeah, that made sense. But still…

Thrawn could have asked for a readout of the most recent activity regarding suspected Nightswan involvement, or a piece of art reflecting a culture’s history, ambitions, or vulnerabilities, but instead he had chosen a cup of tea, something to remind him specifically of _Eli._

“Are you feeling better?” he asked once he felt confident his voice would not break. 

“No different.”

“You should see a medic,” Eli suggested. “They’ll come here if you don’t want to go to them.”

“I will be fine, Ensign,” Thrawn said, his eyes still closed. “It will pass.”

Eli wasn’t convinced. Thrawn still looked so weak and Eli knew he hadn’t been consuming much by way of nourishment. He should probably remain here just in case, but he couldn’t suggest that. 

Resigning himself to the fact that he could do no more he stood. “Alright. I’ll leave you to it, then. Please let me know if there’s anything you need done tomorrow, or… need at all.” 

He switched off the lamp and turned his back to Thrawn, making to leave the room.

Thrawn’s smooth, deep voice asked out of the darkness, “Do you not wish to stay?” 

Eli’s heart leapt into his throat. He turned to face him, although all he could make out was the shape of his two glowing red eyes. He surmised that admitting the truth wasn’t wise, so instead he replied with a question. “What do you mean?”

A deep inhale preceded the disappearance of the red glow. Then the Chiss spoke, with a note of resigned acceptance. “You are welcome to stay if you feel it is necessary.”

That wasn’t _exactly_ an answer to Eli’s question. He tried to play it off anyway. “We don’t share a room anymore, sir. I don’t want to impose on your space.”

“It would be no imposition.”

“I’m sure I’d be overstepping,” Eli countered, his own voice barely above a whisper. It was impossible to ignore just how dark it was and how very alone they were. “Unless you want me to stay. Are you… are you _asking_ me to stay?”

Eli might have been going out on a limb with that one. Would Thrawn chide him about propriety? Or perhaps simply call him out on his obvious and inappropriate attraction to him? Eli waited in rapt attention, the silence pressing in on him from all sides until glowing eyes finally opened. “Yes, I am asking.”

  
  



	2. Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the rating because I didn't want to feel confined... just in case ;)

Eli willed himself not to panic or overthink.

It didn’t work. 

Had Thrawn really just requested that he keep him company? While laying in the dark, sick in bed?

Eli nodded without registering that he’d done so. He moved closer to Thrawn’s side as if compelled by some cosmic force. Then, coming back to himself, he hesitated. Feeling it was inappropriate to be in the dark with Thrawn for a prolonged period of time, he switched the lamp back on and dimmed it one more notch.

Thrawn scooted back across the bed and pressed his long body against the wall, placing a pillow in front of him to create a barrier between himself and the other half of the bed. Generous of him, really. Because as much as Eli wanted this, there was no denying that he was terrified. Eli took the hint and held his breath as he sat on his newly appointed space, his legs angled off to one side. 

Was he really about to lay in Thrawn’s bed with him; was Thrawn really about to allow it?

“You knew I wanted to stay,” Eli ventured after a moment of them sitting in the stillness.

Thrawn blinked. “Yes. You have many times. I suppose using my current state is as good an excuse as any to allow it.”

Eli frowned. _Excuse?_

“What do you mean?” Eli asked again, with a little more sharpness to his tone than he meant. Did Thrawn feel bad for him? Was he only having him stay here because he pitied him?

Thrawn’s gaze softened, picking up his defensive attitude. “I meant no offense, Eli.”

_Eli?_

The human straightened at the pleasant sound of his name rolling off the Chiss’s tongue. He waited for an explanation and Thrawn continued. “In the past I have not been… able… to properly invite you to stay before. I believe my illness is cause enough. Unless you disagree?” 

Eli wasn’t sure, and whatever train of thought he'd been on was violently derailed when Thrawn reached out over the pillow barricade and placed a warm, blue hand gently atop his own. He tensed as Thrawn caressed the back of his hand with a touch that sent volts of electricity up his arm. 

He swallowed, refusing to look him in the eye. His voice broke the dense silence, faint and timid. “If you being sick is the only reason-”

“It is not,” Thrawn said, as strongly as he could given his circumstance. Eli’s eyes lifted to his. “And you know it.”

Eli was unsure which of two things he felt more strongly at Thrawn’s words: admonishment or arousal.

Instead of arguing or admitting to anything, a coy smile graced his lips as he lowered himself to lie on his side. Turning his wrist over, he found the other’s hand unexpectedly warm and soft. Thin lips tinted blue curved upward in a smile below his sleepy eyes. A little odd, Eli thought. He couldn’t recall seeing that specific smile before.

The human gazed into his eyes as long as he could, savoring this new closeness, until the crimson glow eventually disappeared. After a minute or two of just listening to Thrawn’s steady breathing, Eli released his hand to draw circles with the tip of his pointer finger on the dorsum surface. He wondered if he was bold enough to press this further. He decided in an instant that he was. Trailing up Thrawn's forearm and then over the curve of his bicep and back down again, Eli watched his face, half expecting him to pull away at any minute. 

But he didn't.

He took his time, marveling at the differences between Thrawn’s body and his own, noting the lack of hair on the Chiss’s arm and the slightly lighter blue of a small scar here and there. 

A delicate red glow caused him to pause; Thrawn had opened his eyes. Perhaps this was when he would pull away, or ask him what the hell he thought he was doing. Eli peered up to see yet another affectionate grin playing on his lips. He grinned back and resumed stroking his limb fondly, a fresh warmth and sense of relief flooding through him. The red glow disappeared once more.

Eli let his feather-light touches travel a little higher each run, eventually trailing over smooth, rounded deltoids. He licked his lips as his index finger weaved between each of Thrawn’s fingers, up and down each digit, feeling the hard sharpness of his fingernails against the pad of his finger. He couldn’t help but notice that Thrawn’s hands were not small by any means. 

The Chiss made a soft noise and Eli’s eyes shot to his face, unsure of his reaction, but the red glow remained hidden.

Attempting to keep his heart rate level, he took a deep breath as slow and quiet as he could so as not to alert Thrawn. He continued to map out the other’s limb, running along the back of his arm to draw out more pebbled skin and a tiny twitch of sensitivity. 

Dare he go higher? Over Thrawn’s collar bone perhaps? 

Or his throat? Would Eli feel his heartbeat against his fingertips? 

His breath caught when Thrawn _moaned_ , low and heavy, Eli momentarily stunned by the magnificent sound. Maybe if he went higher, he could coax out more of those glorious coos. For a brief moment he recognized the pillow between them for what it was; his growing boldness required boundaries. 

Slowly, tentatively, his fingers ascended cyan skin. They roamed curiously over the fabric of Thrawn’s collar, dipping beneath it to graze the delicate ridge of his bone. Thrawn groaned softly under his touch and lifted his chin, exposing more of his neck to Eli as if it was the most natural thing to do. 

Vulnerable.

Unguarded.

_Defenseless._

Eli couldn’t help but gape. Thrawn _wanted_ this. Laying here, eyes closed and moaning and _letting_ Eli touch him. He realized with a pang of chagrin and panic at his uncomfortably taut trousers that he was _fucking hard_. 

_Great._

He silently cursed himself. Thrawn was sick in bed and here Eli was, taking advantage of his lack of clarity. He should be ashamed. He should also probably leave before Thrawn noticed he was rock hard and touching him while he _rested._

Slipping his fingers inside Thrawn's palm, he dared to bring his knuckles to his lips for a light kiss. He had to play this off right: a soft kiss to express Eli’s thanks for letting him stay, but also a definitive ‘I’m leaving.’

“I’m gonna get goin’,” Eli whispered, hoping Thrawn was awake enough to hear him. 

Red eyes slowly opened, a frown appearing. 

Before Thrawn could respond Eli spoke quickly. “I’m sorry.” 

The human rose from the bed swiftly and switched off the light. Thrawn might have muttered his name, but he pretended not to hear it. 

He left the room, wrapping his tunic the best he could around his body to hide his arousal. It would not do to be caught leaving Thrawn’s room in this state. He’d never live it down.

Once safe inside his own quarters he locked the door behind him, which he rarely felt the need to do. It seemed crucial tonight. He let out a breath and fell heavily against the door, the cold metal cooling his warm skin through his shirt. He tossed his head back in frustration with a thud. 

What the hell just happened?

He showered, doing his best to ignore his half-hard erection. He didn’t feel he deserved to see it to fruition, not after he had practically used Thrawn to get it. But then again, Thrawn _had_ asked him to stay, and hadn’t seemed at all upset about Eli’s hands roaming over his body.

He crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling. He’d explain to Thrawn in the morning; he had to. He’d looked so perplexed when Eli left.

He pictured the Chiss laying in the dark alone, possibly still awake, his back against the wall, staring at the empty space he had made for Eli. His arm was probably still wrapped around that extra pillow. 

Thrawn had separated the two men for Eli’s sake, as Thrawn clearly had no objections about being physically close to him. Yet Eli wasn’t there. He was here in his own bed, wishing very much he was back laying next to Thrawn. But, of course, Eli had to be the one to mess things up, just when Thrawn had seemed to show an actual _interest_ in him. He rolled over and tried in vain to sleep. 

The next morning, Eli brewed two cups of tea and again brought one to Thrawn. He wasn’t sure the Chiss would even want it, or if it would help his case at this point, but maybe he’d see it as a peace offering.

Eli rapped on the door and was surprised when Thrawn answered. He wasn’t dressed in official garb, but at least he was wearing clothes today. Yes, clothes were good. 

“Good morning, Ensign,” Thrawn greeted him, stepping to the side so he could enter. “You brought tea.”

Eli walked in, noting the flat tone of Thrawn's voice, and made up his mind in an instant that bringing tea had been a foolish decision. He stood awkwardly to the side. “I did. I wasn’t sure if you wanted it, but I thought I’d bring it… just in case.”

Thrawn took the mug from his outstretched hand and placed it on the nightstand next to the other one. His movements were slow and somewhat unstable as he sat on the edge of his made up bed. “Thank you,” he said simply.

Eli nodded, ignoring his nerves for the moment. “You’re up. Are you feeling better?”

“Somewhat,” Thrawn told him. “I thought attempting to walk would be an improvement.”

Eli nodded again. He remained silent for a few moments before pointedly looking at Thrawn, hoping he appeared braver than he felt. 

“I want to apologize for last night. I feel I may have overstepped my bounds.”

Thrawn gazed politely at him. “Do you?”

Eli blinked. He hadn’t expected to be questioned about his apology. 

“Y-yes,” he stammered. “Do you not agree?”

“Your bounds are your own,” Thrawn said simply. “I cannot determine them for you.”

Eli visibly flinched. “Not mine – not _my_ bounds, personally. Just – in general… ” he trailed off, suddenly hyper aware of himself.

“I see,” Thrawn said.

_‘I see.’ Great._

Thrawn stood and walked to his kitchenette, rummaging around in the fridge and making himself a small meal. Eli turned down his offer to join him, knowing Thrawn had only asked to be polite, all the while wondering what the hell was going on. Last night had definitely been a mistake…

He circled back to their conversation. “You… you knew that, right, sir?”

“Knew what?” Thrawn asked, glancing over his shoulder at Eli.

Eli stared at him. There was no way Thrawn didn’t know that officers weren’t allowed to maintain relationships, let alone hook up with mere Ensigns.

When Eli didn’t immediately answer Thrawn turned to face him, gaze intent and sincere, obviously feeling he had to clear the air. He took a step closer.

“I am sorry you feel restraint around me,” he said in a tone that was both compassionate and tense. “I wish it were not so. However, it does shed some light on why you left last night. I wish you could have stayed.”

Eli’s mouth fell open, knowing he should say something in return but not knowing what that something should be. A twinge of guilt pierced his heart. Thrawn’s honesty and openness were _unsettling_. Mainly because Eli knew he wasn’t reciprocating the kind gesture. 

Swallowing hard he willed himself not to look away from those blazing red eyes. “Thrawn, I – I left last night not because I was uncomfortable but because I was _too_ comfortable. Laying with you, touching you - I don’t know if I should even say…” He suddenly felt very warm and resisted the urge to tug at his collar. 

Unable to meet Thrawn’s gaze, his eyes remained fixed on the plate of food that Thrawn had prepared. He was still not eating, waiting patiently for Eli to be honest. Apparently he’d waited long enough. 

“I know,” came Thrawn's quiet, steady response. 

Eli’s eyes snapped toward him, heat rising in his cheeks. “You _know?”_

Thrawn hesitated as if wanting to say something but instead turned to collect his plate of food, walking past Eli on the way to his bed. 

“I am ill, Ensign. Not blind.”

Eli's face flushed scarlet. Thrawn had _known?_ He had known Eli had had a hard on and he didn’t say anything? Didn’t do anything?

And Eli had left - ran - in an attempt to hide it?

He couldn’t decide if he was embarrassed, mad at himself, or irritated at Thrawn for not simply saying something last night.

Taking a deep breath, he chose to move forward. He felt himself calming with every inhale, the hard part over.

“So what would _your_ bounds be?” Eli asked abruptly.

Thrawn finished chewing, swallowed and looked up, stoic as ever. “My bounds are not relevant, correct? As we follow a general precedent regarding such matters?”

Eli’s eyes narrowed slightly. There were few concepts that escaped Thrawn and military law wasn’t typically one of those few, as much as he claimed it sometimes eluded him. Eli also knew, from personal experience, that Thrawn would often “bend” regulations in order to achieve the results he wanted. He knew damn well what the rules were. 

Eli crossed his arms. “You’re suggesting we _disregard_ said precedent. Aren't you?" he asked bluntly. 

The only thing that gave Thrawn away was the small glimmer in his eye. “I did not say that.”

“You didn’t have to,” Eli all but snapped. He opened his mouth again only to be cut off by the chirp of his com.

“Vanto,” he said almost angrily into the device.

“Ensign,” came Cheno’s voice over the com. “I’ve tried contacting Captain Thrawn but cannot reach him. Will you stop by his quarters and tell him a meeting is taking place this evening? I daresay he will be interested in attending if he’s feeling up to it.”

“Yeah,” Eli said, glaring at Thrawn as the Chiss took another bite of food, maintaining eye contact with an oddly innocent expression on his blue face. “I’ll tell him.”

“I also need you for an errand, Ensign. Please be hasty.” 

“Yes, sir.”

Cutting the line he turned and found Thrawn’s comlink on the counter. He tossed it onto the bed next to him. “You’re well enough to answer calls now. I have to go, but we’re finishing this conversation later.”

Thrawn nodded once. “I look forward to it… Ensign.”

Eli shot him a withering look over his shoulder as he left, but didn’t comment.

He huffed around all day, thinking to himself that he was _not_ going to be a pawn in one of Thrawn's games. Granted, he had no doubt he’d enjoy the game, but still…

Eli’s standing in the military was precarious enough with Thrawn as his commander, without said commander constantly asking him to break the rules. He smiled inwardly. He’d fantasized about breaking a dozen rules with Thrawn for years. 

Distracted, he let his mind wander to the smoothness of Thrawn’s heated skin, how he’d practically leaned into his touch, those soft, pleased moans deep in his throat…

“Vanto.”

Eli jumped. “Yessir.”

Captain Cheno strode up beside him. “Did you get a chance to speak with Thrawn?”

“Yes, Captain. No answer yet,” Eli told him. “He seemed to be looking better when I saw him, though.”

Cheno nodded. “Excellent. His discovery of the Felucian mushroom issue has taken top priority of our task force. I’m sure he will want to be present when our senior staff discusses it.”

“Of course, sir.”

His shoulders fell as the Captain strode away. As soon as Thrawn was back to normal his efforts would be focused on stopping this new hallucinogen, meaning there would be very little time to resolve… whatever this was. 

Duty always came first to Thrawn. 

Thrawn was up and moving around, freshly showered and fully dressed, when Eli entered his quarters. He stood over his desk, gazing down at multiple datapads, seeming completely engrossed in his task. He barely acknowledged Eli’s presence. 

“You’re feeling better,” Eli stated matter-of-factly.

“Well enough,” Thrawn replied, head still bowed.

“Great,” Eli said quickly. “I have something to say.”

“As do I,” Thrawn said, finally straightening and facing him. “And as mine is time sensitive I request I be allowed to speak first.”

Eli restrained himself from rolling his eyes. _Typical._ He motioned Thrawn on with barely contained impatience.

“I have but half an hour before the meeting this evening,” Thrawn explained. “So I ask that we reconvene afterwards to continue our previous conversation.”

Eli growled. “Fine. Do you want me to accompany you to the meeting?”

“That won’t be necessary,” Thrawn said, turning back to his work. “I can relay all important findings.”

The human crossed his arms over his chest in clear indignation. This was so like Thrawn, so maddening, so infuriating...

“Will you wait here for me?” he asked in a sweet, subdued tone. It shattered Eli’s feeble resolve and he uncrossed his arms as his posture sagged, feeling rather stupid now. 

“In your room?” 

The Chiss looked around, then fished out a small holoprojector from his bedside table. He stepped cautiously toward Eli and held out the small device. 

“Perhaps this will keep you occupied.” 

Taking the projector from his grip, the corner of Eli’s lips turned up in a half smile. 

“Yeah,” he muttered. 

Some four hours later, Thrawn reentered his quarters. Eli was lounging on the floor, leaning against the drawer side of the desk and flipping through the images of the holoprojector. It held a wide variety of different culture’s artwork that Thrawn kept on hand. Eli wasn’t exceptionally great at art interpretation, not like he was with numbers, but he enjoyed looking through Thrawn’s collection. 

The Chiss had no qualms about sharing his favorite works with Eli; he especially loved the way his voice would start to sound dazed, as if completely swept away, when he spoke while studying the pieces. He scrolled over a Chiss sculpture. He wouldn’t recognize it, not yet. 

“How was the meeting?” Eli asked from the floor.

“As I had hoped,” Thrawn told him, unloading his bag on the desk above Eli. “We are to rendezvous with the fleet in fourteen hours. Then assemble above Felucia and deploy teams to the surface for reconnaissance. Until then, we wait.”

Eli nodded, gazing up at Thrawn from the ground. He’d pick Thrawn’s brain for more information later, but it could wait until after their impending conversation. 

Thrawn stilled as he finished unpacking his bag. He looked down at Eli, still sitting on the floor. “You wished to say something to me?”

He hurried to his feet, placing the holoprojector on the desk with Thrawn’s other belongings. His earlier haste to unload all his thoughts and frustration had lessened. What was left was calm determination. 

He took a deep breath and faced Thrawn, not sure how this was going to end and truthfully, not even sure how he _wanted_ it to end. “You want to pretend that the rules of the Navy don't apply to us. And it's not... it's not the first time. Every time you come up with a plan or decide to break the rules we get caught, and this isn’t something we can just get away with if it proves to have good results. It’s improper. We’ll be discharged from the Navy if we’re caught, or… worse, and I’m not sure I’m willing to risk that for...”

For what?

Thrawn listened with his typical patience and poise, his neutral expression unreadable. He waited a beat before replying to be sure Eli didn't have anything else to add. A trace of a smile came and went so quickly Eli swore he’d imagined it. “For the record, Ensign, the times we have been caught were by design. Surely you’ve recognized that by now. In this case, we would only be discovered if I wished us to be.”

Eli thought for a moment. That tracked. Thrawn had a way of revealing only what he needed to when he needed to, at very specific times. And there hadn’t been a time in the past where Thrawn didn’t have a back up plan to a back up plan, just in case. 

Apparently Eli looked as though he’d been thinking too hard because Thrawn broke into his inner monologue, an overt grin now playing on his lips. “If it’s too much to ask, Ensign, then put it out of your mind. I don’t wish to cause you distress.”

_Too much to ask?_

Brown eyes narrowed to slits. Now he was just being mocked. 

Turning his back as if to conclude the conversation Thrawn murmured, “This is far more political than I intended it to be.”

Eli’s anger returned, ears growing hot. “Because it has to be! You can’t just keep ignoring protocol whenever you feel like it or because you’re sick and want to cuddle.”

Thrawn froze, then wheeled around. One perfect eyebrow rose slightly, possibly due to the use of the word _cuddle._

“You’ve never complained about my adherence to protocol before,” Thrawn stated.

“Yeah, well… they’ve all been military matters in the past. This is my personal life we’re talking about.”

Thrawn diverted his gaze. “I understand.”

Eli waited for him to elaborate, blood boiling. Thrawn could be so damn frustrating, standing there all cryptic and silent and yet… 

Why did he have to be so _handsome?_

“You are upset with me."

He wanted to retort ‘obviously,’ but refrained. And before he could reply with something more dignified, Thrawn continued. “You are upset because you are torn. As a result you blame me, for you see me as the architect of your dismay. But it is not me you are at war with. In fact, it is not even yourself.”

Eli swallowed hard. Okay, so maybe Thrawn had a point. 

He couldn’t be bothered to register the rest of what Thrawn was saying. He heard words and _that_ voice speaking them, but his brain wasn’t computing. 

Lips were moving, forming flawless diction. Eyes, burning crimson, drew Eli in further. Or perhaps Thrawn was gliding closer; he couldn’t tell. Heat rose in his cheeks, but not out of anger. 

He clenched his jaw, desperately attempting to tamp down whatever was beginning to stir restlessly in his belly. He made a fist with one hand to stop it from shaking. Thrawn noticed it and took another step forward. The human resisted the overwhelming urge to step back, hell bent on standing his ground. Thrawn continued talking and Eli had to admit that his will to remain firm derived more from stubbornness at this point than resolve, because his was quickly crumbling.

“I understand your hesitation and respect your struggle to act in accordance with Imperial law, but it is not a difficult decision for me. Eli, I have desired you since our time at Royal Imperial, all those years ago.” 

_Eli._

“The first year was turbulent and strained. Yet we have grown together, survived together, and you've remained at my side.”

His knees grew weak and he was certain he’d soon melt from the sweet sincerity in Thrawn’s usually cool voice. 

“You told me once you did not dislike me while the subject of whether you liked me was left untouched. But I took an interest in you from very early on, for many reasons.” 

Eli’s heart raced, pounding against his chest as though he'd ran a marathon as he struggled to keep his breathing steady. Thoughts of the night before swam through his mind.

_Thrawn’s hand in his...  
_

_The warm smile he’d never seen before..._  


_Soft moans and gentle twitches..._  


_His own throbbing arousal at simply touching the man…_

Thrawn stepped closer still, red eyes piercing, voice pitched lower. “Allowing you to stay last night was not for your benefit but for my own. I should have told you sooner and perhaps, as you’ve said, it’s improper. However, if you are willing-”

The rest of Thrawn’s confession was lost on Eli. He was likely playing into _exactly_ what Thrawn wanted, the Chiss was a master tactician after all, but Eli didn’t care. 

Let Thrawn be the trap; Eli was caught.

His own desire stirred almost painfully in his gut and it could not be ignored. He had no choice, really, compelled by something he most certainly could not call reason. Closing the distance between them he reached up to knit trembling fingers in soft blue-black hair, bringing his warm lips to Thrawn’s in a crushing kiss and cutting off the Chiss’s speech entirely.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another cliffhanger... I'm so sorry! ~~No I'm not.~~


	3. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl this chapter took forever to get out because I rewrote it three times trying to get the vibe right. Finally just going with this one. : ) Thank you Jessko for your thoughts and continued support!

Time stopped as they stood lip-locked and motionless, surrendering to the knowledge that it would be useless to resist this resounding, magnetic pull of attraction. Neither one of them moved, not even daring to breathe as rapid heartbeats pounded in their ears from the breathtaking thrill of what might be. 

Stars flew past as they sailed through space. Life continued on around them; a whole galaxy of beings unaware of the fated nexus occurring on a lone cruiser and at the center: two beings revolved on the axis of a new existence. 

Eli didn’t remember taking those few steps forward and closing the distance between him and Thrawn. Yet here he was, afraid he’d be imagining this if he opened his eyes. So he kept them shut as he reluctantly pulled away. The separation allowed them both a much needed opportunity to breathe, oxygen flooding in to clear the misty haze. 

Then, with legendary Chiss warrior speed and precision, Thrawn lifted Eli from the ground and landed him atop his desk, simultaneously shoving datapads and files to the side, pressing his thighs into the cool metal below with ironclad force as his hot mouth met his with a desperate groan. 

The shift was dizzying to Eli, completely swept away by Thrawn’s confession and his own boldness, heat blossoming in his chest and groin at the somewhat distant, dreamlike realization that he was _finally_ kissing Thrawn. 

Reality came rushing back and he recovered, yanking the others tunic and arching his back so they were chest to chest. A fleeting thought crossed his mind: if Thrawn had the strength to lift him from the ground after being sick in bed, what kind of stamina would he possess when fully recovered? 

Surrendering to whatever trap had been devised for him, Eli’s lips parted so Thrawn could taste him, taste the wanting and urgency and _years_ of holding back from doing exactly this; this utterly gratifying act that left him experiencing nothing short of rapturous bliss.

Needing to feel every inch of the human’s body flush with his own, Thrawn pulled him closer still, sliding him along the desk until their bodies molded together perfectly, mouths open and moaning and gasping for air. 

Eli retreated once more with a faint sigh and a breathless, “Thrawn…”

Could he call him that now? 

The Chiss seized the opportunity and dipped his head into the crook of Eli’s neck, planting an open-mouthed kiss to heated skin and snaking out his tongue to draw a slick line up his throat. The sound it elicited from Eli was one of the most exhilarating he’d ever heard in his life. Instinctively, he squeezed the other man’s thighs and dug sharp nails into soft flesh as the intensity escalated, driving him _feral._

Eli made another sound, an aroused but pained sound, and Thrawn released his grip quickly as if pained himself. 

“My apologies.”

Eli chuckled, weaving his fingers through silky black hair. “S’okay. Just… surprised me.” 

He leaned up for another kiss, not expecting this one to be as tender as it was, breath hitching as Thrawn sucked playfully at his bottom lip, sending hot bolts of reckless desire straight to Eli’s groin. 

Thrawn drank in the sight of him when he pulled away, eyes half lidded, lips glistening and kiss-bitten, cheeks flushed that of Thrawn’s favorite color. He lightly brushed a freckled cheek with his thumb. Eli Vanto was stunning.

The Chiss shifted his weight and in doing so felt his growing erection press firmly into Eli’s thigh. The sudden awareness gave him pause for thought. He recalculated, gauging where this was bound to go in comparison to where he desired it to. 

Once Eli regained the presence of mind to take note of what was jutting intrusively into his leg his eyes flew open, pupils dilated and staring at Thrawn with renewed interest. He licked his lips, biting his lower one briefly before reaching up once more to bring Thrawn’s mouth to his in a searing kiss. Rolling his body, he pressed himself further into Thrawn’s groin and the Chiss moaned, unwittingly egging him on. 

The human sought the collar of his tunic, fingers fumbling at the clasp in his haste, driven by desire and eager anticipation for… one of Thrawn’s hands kindly slowed this undertaking, gently grasping his and slowly lowering it. 

Eli withdrew when he picked up the subtle rejection. He breathed heavily as his gaze searched Thrawn’s, wondering why they’d stopped. 

“I want to get this right,” Thrawn admitted, his words spoken no louder than an endearing whisper.

Eli pressed forward again and grinned against his mouth before saying soothingly, “You get everything right.”

Thrawn kissed him back, careful not to come off overzealous or push for anything lest he give Eli the wrong impression.

Curious human hands roamed inward until they found the fastener of his trousers. 

“Eli…” Thrawn murmured, almost apologetically. 

His tone made Eli stop and look up but his fingers remained tucked inside the others’ waistband, knuckles resting against the smooth, hard muscle of his lower abdomen. Thrawn wasn’t smiling, but instead appeared regretful. 

“You’re serious,” Eli confirmed. Thrawn blinked and lowered his glowing eyes not out of embarrassment, but reservation.

Eli withdrew completely, leaning back to give him some space. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. No problem. Um… I’m sorry.”

“Your apology is not necessary,” Thrawn told him quietly even as Eli snaked himself off the desk, around and away from him. 

“Yeah, well… it’s getting late anyway,” he said, glancing at the chrono. “I should probably get going.”

“Eli…” 

The wounded expression on Thrawn’s face was so unexpected that it stopped him dead in his tracks.

“...don’t go.”

Something inside him broke, shattered into a million pieces at that look and Eli was rendered speechless by the undeniable revelation that Thrawn really wanted him there, that asking him to stay wasn't just a byproduct of a rebellious streak or disorienting illness. 

“Don’t leave again,” he reiterated softly.

Eli could only manage a soft chuckle of disbelief and a quiet agreement before placing his hand timidly in Thrawn’s outstretched one. 

Their lips met once more, tender and patient, a silent seal of mutual understanding. Eli couldn’t be mad about it, this was much farther than he’d ever hoped to get with Thrawn. Perhaps even farther than Thrawn himself thought they’d get. But then again, Thrawn had most likely considered all possible paths this might take and their subsequent outcomes. He would’ve selected the one that showed the most promise. 

But if that were true…

Eli pulled back, leaving Thrawn to greedily chase his lips as he moved away. “Thrawn, did you plan this?”

The Chiss ducked his head in what Eli could only assume was dismissal. 

“Thrawn?” Eli’s voice hardened, taking a resolute step back and crossing his arms. “Can you answer me?”

“You are upset with me.”

“It’s not the first time,” Eli grumbled with his teeth clenched tightly. “I just don’t normally tell you.”

“There seems to be many things you don’t tell me -”

“I could say the same about you.”

“- like how you truly feel about me.”

“Answer the question, Thrawn.”

“If you feel you should not be here -”

“What?” Eli spat. “Why would you think that?”

“You wanted to leave. Twice. Once you succeeded.” 

Eli dropped his gaze to the floor. Thrawn had a point, and he knew he would mistake Eli’s personal hesitation for uncertainty regarding him. 

They’d already discussed the first time Eli walked out and to save himself another round of debilitating embarrassment, he'd leave it alone. But Thrawn had been honest with him, and he supposed he owed him an explanation for the second time. Then, perhaps, they’d get somewhere. 

He sighed heavily. “You said my name, and looked at me like _that_ and for a moment... I wasn’t sure I was ready for it. It just felt very… _real.”_

“So you wished to run.” 

Eli winced. Thrawn was seldom, if ever, rude, but there was definitely an edge of annoyance to his typically measured voice. 

“Well, when you put it that way-”

“How else should I see it?”

He felt a wave of irritation wash over him and at this point he couldn’t be sure whom it was directed toward. In lieu of speaking, he ran his fingers through his hair and turned away from Thrawn, breathing in deeply and willing his mind to calm long enough for him to formulate a few rational words.

Thrawn’s low voice graced the silence after a long and tense pause. “If you do not desire me, or wish for this to be a fleeting encounter…”

“No,” Eli said strongly, emphasizing his words with an angry flourish of his hand. “No that’s… that’s _not_ what I want.”

He shook his head, unable to quell his irritation. “You knew I wanted to stay with you. You knew I had a fucking _hard on_ when I did. I was the one who kissed _you_. How can you say I just want a passing fling?”

“Those instances are singular occurrences,” Thrawn argued quietly. “Those desires are not permanent.”

Eli threw his hands in the air in frustration and finally looked at him, eyes wide and combative. “What the hell _is_ permanent, Thrawn? We’re in a different system every week with different orders everyday. I never know if one of your stunts is going to get me shipped back to Myomar, or possibly even discharged. Nothing in my life is permanent! Nothing except…” he trailed off in dawning comprehension. Averting his gaze, he sucked in a ragged breath, not realizing he’d rattled off all of that on a single inhale. When he spoke his voice was low and quiet. “But you devised it that way.”

A shadow fell across Thrawn’s face, but he remained silent.

“You did plan this, didn’t you?” Eli spat, narrowing his eyes at him. “For you and I...”

“Do not attempt to antagonize me,” Thrawn said darkly, eyes flaring a dangerous crimson.

“You wanted honesty!” Eli reminded him. “So I’m giving you honesty. I bet you planned to seduce me this whole time. Since when… Royal Imperial?”

“And what if I had?”

“W-what?” he faltered, too shocked to create the rest of his sentence.

“What if I had?” Thrawn repeated calmly, unfazed. “Would it have changed anything?”

 _What if I had?_

_Would it have changed anything?_

Question after question raced through Eli’s mind, accompanied by insuppressible rising emotion. He scowled. It would’ve changed everything. His relationship with his family, his friends, his career that he’d so carefully planned out for years before he met Thrawn. His entire life would be different. 

But would it have been as rewarding? 

“How you feel about me, for instance?” Thrawn continued. “Or how you feel about your career?”

“How I feel about-” Eli’s eyes darkened. “You _dragged_ me down this career path-”

“Your talents would have been undervalued as a supply officer,” Thrawn said. “I only sparked your potential -” 

“Don’t try to justify your shadiness,” Eli said harshly. “And don’t bother flattering me. If you honestly think I feel only fleeting attraction for you, you can knock off the charade. Then, with any luck, it’ll be gone by morning.”

Thrawn fell silent. Eli knew he didn’t react well to sarcasm. Hell, he knew he didn’t deserve it either. Letting out another sigh of frustration, he took a step back, ashamed at his own behavior but not knowing how else to respond. He’d well and truly dug himself into a hole.

“I do not wish, at all, for your attraction to dissipate,” Thrawn said softly, after a moment of calculated assessment. “I care for you, Eli. The question we do not have an answer to is how you feel for me.”

Eli rolled his eyes, speaking without hesitation, without a second thought to what came out of his mouth. “I care more about you than I do anyone else, including myself, and you know that. You said you weren’t blind, yet you can’t see that?”

The silence hung heavily in the air for a long moment. Eli swallowed hard. What had he just said? He couldn’t recall, it just… slipped out. 

“That is something I had not known,” Thrawn told him quietly. “For you have never told me.” 

Eli released an exasperated sigh. “Thrawn, I f-” 

_-ucking love you._

He stopped syllables before letting Thrawn in on the honest truth, afraid of what he’d say, but more afraid of what he wouldn’t say. He collapsed into one of the chairs with a defeated sort of grunt and lowered his head into his hands. 

Eli had never considered himself brave. He kept out of trouble mostly due to self preservation, or at least that’s what he told himself. Admitting how he truly felt was turning out to be one of the hardest things he’d ever done. But maybe he didn’t have to do it all at once...

The soft tap of boots along the metal floor made him start and he swore he felt the air near to his right ear stir, the gentle whoosh of a hand falling past his shoulder. 

No, he never considered himself brave and perhaps he never would. But he felt brave around Thrawn. 

“You know what I want?” he finally said quietly to the floor. 

Six long, torturous seconds passed before Thrawn’s reply broke the silence. “What is that?”

Straightening, Eli looked up into his eyes - they were softer now - and said as honestly as he could, “I want you to kiss me like before.” 

The Chiss’s eyes lit up briefly with a flash of interest and Eli stood to face him. “I won’t push for more. I won’t run away. I just want you to kiss me.”

Thrawn remained motionless, standing there with his arms hanging loosely at his sides and an inquisitive expression on his face. Eli could almost see the cogs working as he tried riddling out his words. He didn’t blame him, but Eli knew what he wanted now.

“There is nothing to figure out, Thrawn,” he said with a gentle smile. “No strategy, no tactics. I’m telling you what I want. I’m asking you… to kiss me,” he paused. _“Please._ ”

The smallest of smiles spread across his face.

The sound of his footsteps echoed as he came closer. 

Heat radiated off his body when he stopped inches from him, hotter than any fever. 

He was looking at him with a tenderness in his glowing eyes that stole more than the human’s breath. 

“On the contrary, Eli Vanto,” he said as he lifted a hand to caress the side of his face. “There is a great deal to figure out about you.” 

His eyes lit up again and Eli recognized the familiar flash of interest, the excitement, almost arousal at a challenge; a chance to wrap his brilliant mind around the complexity of a battle strategy or an unsolvable puzzle. Tonight, Eli was that puzzle. 

Closing his eyes, he expected to feel Thrawn’s lips on his. What came first was the cool contact of Thrawn’s forehead against his own, then the light puff of air against his cheek from Thrawn’s exhale. 

The closeness was almost unbearable and at the same time equally insufficient, but he didn’t dare move. So he settled for gripping the soft fabric of Thrawn’s shirt in his fists, bunching it up tightly and pulling it taut across the Chiss’s lean back. 

The pressure of Thrawn’s forehead against his was soon replaced by a tender kiss, pausing briefly before moving to his left cheek, then lower to press against the side of his neck where he could feel his rapid pulse in the shadow of his jaw. He shuddered at the sensation, a chill running through him as raised bumps appeared on his flesh. Thrawn repeated the sequence on his right side.

Then, finally, after what felt like an hour of Eli preserving moans and trembling helplessly under his touch, Thrawn’s lips were on his and he didn’t even attempt to subdue the whimper that escaped him. 

Pulling back for the briefest of moments, Eli’s heart leapt at the sight of equally blissed out Thrawn who pressed his lips to his smiling ones once more, taking his bottom one between his teeth and lightly tugging to draw a soft, broken gasp from Eli’s mouth. 

Like a match to kerosene, the air around them sparked and caught fire. Warm flames of heated passion licked their skin, threatening to burn and consume them in a blazing inferno if it wasn’t for Eli’s word not to push for more. 

Breathing heavily, dazed, lips glossy and heart so full, Eli pulled his mouth from Thrawn’s. A stray strand of blue-black hair fell haphazardly across his forehead, casually swept away by Eli’s fingertips and tucked back into place. 

Eli placed a hand on his chest to feel the _life_ there, needing to know this wasn’t a dream that he’d long to be their reality come morning, or worse, completely forgotten when he awoke. He peered into Thrawn’s glowing eyes and the galaxy fell away, aware of nothing but this glorious being and the love he felt for him and he realized he could never forget this man, be it in dreams or consciousness. 

Turning his head to sneak a quick kiss to blue knuckles when they fondly traced his cheekbone, he wrapped his arms tightly around Thrawn’s middle who responded in kind by embracing the smaller man in his strong arms, one hand woven in thick brown locks with his cheek resting atop his head.

They stood like this for many minutes, simply falling into the rhythm of their breathing and Eli realized with a sigh of gratitude that this was the first time he’d ever _held_ Thrawn. He wished it would last forever. 

Another sudden revelation struck him: Thrawn had carefully and deliberately crafted every aspect of Eli’s life. Now, it made sense to him. And now, Eli couldn’t praise him enough for doing so. And if Thrawn still had plans for him… well, in the end he might just be as grateful for them as he was now. 

“Does this clear up any confusion?” Eli asked him softly. 

A gentle hum, almost a purr, resonated from Thrawn.

Eli leaned back to look up at him. “You said ‘the subject of if I liked you was left untouched’.”

His brown eyes flicked between each of Thrawn’s red ones, still curious and kind like they always were. Still accepting him exactly how he was with his Wild Space accent and lowly rank, still seeing him — truly seeing him — as something _more,_ and he realized with overwhelming relief that this had never really been a question at all; that nothing had ever made more sense.

He kissed him once more, knowing he’d never be satiated with the sensation. “In case you couldn’t tell: I like you.”

Thrawn just stared at him, but he’d said it and there was no retracting the sentiment now. Red eyes looked upon him with an expression he couldn’t decipher and the silence continued. 

“If you say ‘I know,’ I swear-” Eli began. 

“I wasn’t going to say that.” Thrawn told him, a small curve appearing at the corner of his lips. He reached for his hand, warm and comforting. “But thank you for clarifying.”

“It was long overdue," Eli whispered against his mouth. "And by the way,” he pressed their lips together hungrily. "I'd gladly break every rule with you." 

Thrawn chuckled, low and enticing. “Every rule?”

Eli smirked and murmured just before their lips met, “Burn ‘em.”

Despite the arousal those words stirred in Thrawn, he hesitantly and regretfully slowed Eli’s advances once more. “There are many risks we must consider if we are to do this.”

“What?” Eli jerked away, appalled. “Where was this an hour ago?”

Thrawn dipped his head to nip at the sensitive curve of Eli’s neck and the human’s breath caught. “Now that I have you,” he straightened. “There are boundaries to discuss.”

Eli’s eyebrows rose and his melodious laugh filled the room. “Oh! Now you want to set bounds.”

“Want, no. But they are necessary,” he stepped away, barely restraining himself from ravishing Eli once more at his half-wrecked appearance. 

The human hopped up onto the desk and kicked his feet casually off the side with a crooked smile on his face, settling in for another one of Thrawn’s plans. “Ok then… shoot.”

Thrawn tilted his head and Eli waved his hand nonchalantly. “It means go ahead.”

After a quick, unconvinced glance toward him he began to pace as he often did when planning. “First, we should both agree that our assignments take top priority.”

Eli shook his head regretfully. “Ah, no can do.”

Thrawn whipped around with a look of surprise and confusion at his unexpected reply, to which Eli laughed.

“I’m joking,” he explained. Thrawn still looked worried and Eli felt bad so he gestured him on with a kind expression. “I’m sorry. Agreed. Next?”

Thrawn kept a steady, wary eye on him before continuing. “Second, as we’ve discussed, it would be wise to keep this-”

“Secret. Got it,” Eli said with a definitive nod. 

Thrawn gave a small, almost sorrowful smile but Eli just grinned at him, fully understanding and accepting the repercussions if they were caught. However, he trusted Thrawn and as much as he wanted to go shouting around the Thunder Wasp what he was doing during his down time and with _whom,_ confidentiality was the only way this would work. At least maybe until Eli wasn’t an Ensign. Or Thrawn wasn’t an alien. Then, just maybe, they could live together as equals in a world all their own.

Did such a place even exist in the Empire? 

“Third, when...” he paused to glance at Eli’s curious expression before conceding, “ _if_ our relationship is ever taken to the next level, we will do so at a pace suitable for both parties.”

Eli hopped off the desk and sauntered over with a confident smirk on his face to run a single, teasing finger down the hard line of his chest and torso. “Next level?”

Thrawn stopped his descending hand with a gentle grip and kind smile. Eli would’ve had to deliberately ignore his expression in order to not recognize it for the disguised warning that it was. 

“You’ve become awfully bold in a very short time, Eli.”

Laughing and leaning into him, Eli confessed, “I like when you call me that.”

“It is your name,” Thrawn said simply, as if he’d called him by something other than his rank for the last three years. 

A mischievous smile spread across Eli’s face. “Say it again.”

Thrawn’s grip tightened instinctively on his hips and he leaned down to rumble quietly in his ear, “Eli.”

Eli’s pebbled skin could be felt through his shirt as he shivered, practically swooning. As if not knowing what he did to him just by saying his damn name, Thrawn continued. “Fourth, honesty is essential and expected.”

Eli’s smile disappeared and his expression became flat. “Your green glasses are hideous.”

Thrawn just stared at him, eyes narrowed with a hint of offense. 

Eli chuckled. “Okay, seriously... honesty in everything.” 

“You agree to these terms?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it,” he said with a look of mock thoughtfulness. Then a cheerful grin lit up his face.

It took a moment for Thrawn to share in that smile. “You’re teasing me.”

“I certainly am.”

“So you agree?”

He hugged him close. “Yes, Thrawn. I agree.” 

“We both must rest now,” Thrawn said as his large hands moved to Eli's shoulders to hold him at arm's length. “I will want you on the ground team tomorrow.”

Eli straightened. “Of course, Captain.”

Thrawn’s eyes glittered with a question. He spoke his name and Eli wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to it, nor that he ever wanted to. 

“Yes?”

The Chiss looked momentarily unsure but it was gone in a blink of an eye. “I may have hedged around my desires the last couple days and I don’t wish-”

Eli’s gentle chuckle silenced him. “Just ask, Thrawn,” he said with a small shake of his head.

Thrawn opened his mouth.

“Let me guess,” Eli interrupted him. “You'd like some tea.”

The Chiss's cool glance was instantly concealed by his own grin. “Perhaps later. Currently, I’d like to ask you to stay here tonight.”

He seemed a little less vulnerable now, almost as if asking Eli to stay was more of a courtesy than an actual question since they both already knew the answer. 

“Anything,” Eli replied as his grin slowly grew wider. This time when he said it he hoped Thrawn heard the slip, his subtle promise. But just in case he hadn’t, he planted a reassuring kiss to his cheek and added, “Always.” 

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine the next day Eli coughs or sneezes on the bridge and everyone stares at him, and then at Thrawn. Thrawn pretends not to notice but Eli just backs out of the bridge and goes to the med bay. Cheno would be especially upset, but it’s not like he wouldn’t know why. ; )


End file.
